


Between Pride and Love

by stringlessfate



Series: God Eater -Nova- [3]
Category: God Eater (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, SaveSoma2k19, Self-Indulgent, i might have a thing for love triangles and ungodly amount of emotional pain, moonflower - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 12:00:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18716644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stringlessfate/pseuds/stringlessfate
Summary: An alternate ending for God Eater: Infinity Paradise, branching out from the events during the confrontation in Aegis Island.





	Between Pride and Love

The night has fallen deep, and a good portion of Den is now silent. While there are still a small amount of the population that burns the midnight oil, working the night shifts and what nots, it is easy to say that the place has become a lot more peaceful than it is when everyone's up and bustling about. He can hear the sounds better than when it's just a horrid mixture of voices and mechanical noises, the farthest thing from harmonious. While it isn't completely quiet, the soft conversations are seemingly soothing.

His footsteps echo in the medical section as he makes his way down the hall, fixed on a single destination. How long has it been anyway? A week now probably. A good one week of visiting the infirmary once everyone has fallen asleep and the place is devoid of people, and leaving before any of them wakes up and comes back here. A good one week of watching; dwelling in the consequences of his actions.

An entire week of guilt, self-pity and regret.

He enters the infirmary, takes two or three steps in, and allows the door to shut behind him. Everything is quiet, save for the rhythmic beeping of the machines on the sides of the bed, and the slight rattling of the windows as a breeze goes by. Blue eyes drag towards the bed, and finally, he acknowledges how his heart sinks at the sight. He fights the urge to punch himself in the face.

"Hey..." He starts, "how long do you plan to keep on sleeping, huh?" No response. Nothing at all. Not even the slightest movement to show she heard him. "Come on. Don't you think it's about time to get up?" It's as good as having a conversation with the air. He stares, with gritted teeth, at the motionless figure tucked under the covers. The sigh escaping his lips comes out heavily and he takes another step closer, if only to run his fingers through golden locks of hair. "Hey, Yuka..." Silence. "Say something at least... _Bitte..._ "

If there's anything in the world Soma Schicksal would give anything to hear at this moment, it'll be her voice and the soft sounds of her heart beating again.

_"You can't save everybody, Soma... and I'm sure you wouldn't be picking me anyway."_

* * *

 

_She arrived in Aegis way ahead of them. When they stepped foot into the facility that housed the Nova, the massive beast tasked to devour all of the world, Yuka was already there. She had been going against the Arda for who knows how long now._

_At that time Soma didn’t really care. He didn’t care about whatever is the story behind her actions, behind her working with that man, behind her surrendering Shio to him._

_He was just… angry. Frustrated. Brimming with hatred alone._

_He’s there only to save Shio and finish the business with his father. At that time, whatever Yuka had in mind didn’t matter to him._

_They struck down the Arda, as they did with the Dyaus Pita, with every other Aragami they fought before. It valiantly fought back, the beast that it is, defending the Nova with all of its prowess. It would not give in, and neither would they, for lives are at stake in this battle. Not only theirs, but also of those who placed their hopes on them that they will be able to stop this madness before it even sets sail._

_It was when his father called back the Arda and summoned its accompanying God did it happen. All in a flash, amidst the heat of the battle, that Yuka slipped through the man’s lowered defenses and grabbed Shio from where she was being held by the Nova. He didn’t know how she did it--perhaps it had been her plan from the start, to wait for the moment the Director is off guard._

_The consequences of her actions happened just as fast. “Iris, you fool!” The man angrily cries out from within the God’s body, as the unconscious Shio dropped to the ground. Soma practically threw his whole body to catch her, the pain of hitting and crashing onto the floor nothing in comparison to the relief of seeing the Aragami girl is safe. “The Nova would devour you whole! The entirety of your being--the littlest flesh, the smallest bone!”_

_He was not lying. The monstrosity that had been inactive for long began to consume her, assimilating her body into its own. It dragged her in, as though the Nova is a quicksand she’s sinking into. He looked up to that terrifying sight, and in that brief moment that their eyes met, Soma saw resignation in her blue eyes. Defeat. Surrender. Yuka didn’t try to fight back against the beast. As her faint smile slowly disappeared underneath the Nova’s body did it only sink in to him--the true reason behind her efforts to fight the man, the meaning behind her cryptic responses, the need to choose between her and Shio…_

No… Wait… Don’t…

_He opens his mouth, but not a single sound comes out. Or perhaps something did; the world around him just suddenly fell mute in his ears. It isn’t only about the Nova obtaining a Singularity core anymore, artificial or not._

_It’s not too late. It’s not too late to do something about this, to get up there and grab her, pull her away from the beast before she disappears completely. It’s not too late. No, it’s not._

_But he found himself completely frozen. His body refused to respond, to move the way he wants it to._ Why…? _He needs to get there. He already said it. He’s not going to choose. It’s neither of them. Neither… Neither… So why…?_

_It was Lenka who grabs her. Soma only registered the sight of the raven-haired New-Type digging his blade onto the body of the Nova, tearing it apart, before holding onto the blonde. A shrill cry shook Aegis, the Nova letting out a wail with resonant waves so powerful it shook Aegis like a tremor. But Yuka was safe. Nearly her entire body bathing in blood--her own or the Nova, Soma doesn’t know, doesn’t care--but safe._

_“Fools!” His father’s voice cried again._

_“Soma, Lenka,” Sakuya calls out, gun barrel aimed towards the now joined Arda Nova, “We’ll cover you! Get them to safety!”_

_This time, he didn’t take a refusal from his body. Soma forced his legs to move._

* * *

Shio woke up in two days time, and with an entire day of rest plus a handful of cores for her to eat, she was back to normal again. They defeated his father and the Arda Nova. The Nova built from the image of his mother had returned to slumber, possessing no Singularity for it to remain active. They’ve kept it at Aegis still, and Sakaki’s new authority as Acting Director helped in keeping it a secret from the rest of the world.

Yuka… Yuka isn’t as lucky as Shio. The old man declared it as comatose, but that information is only for the general public. The First Unit, of course, knows it isn’t as simple as that. But it isn’t like they know what exactly happened to her either. For the past days, they could only place hope in the idea that her body is still in the process of repairing itself, that she would wake up once it’s over, and they all could live their lives the way normal is defined in their standards.

C tells them the truth finally, claiming she has grown tired of watching them pathetically wait for her to wake up. “In simplest terms, her consciousness--soul, or whatever you want to call it--was left within the Nova. You could wait a hundred years, or a thousand, but Sunshine is never going to wake up. You might as well just customarily bury this empty vessel and destroy the fake Nova for good.”

Of course none of them agreed on that. There should be another way, right? If the Devil’s claim is true, surely there would be a way to get it back, right? Soma storms out of the infirmary, leaving the rest of the First Unit inside, and follows the teal-haired girl. He grabs her effortlessly, like grabbing a rag doll, and slams the information broker against the wall. “Stop withholding information, you bastard,” he growls. “How can we wake Yuka up?”

The other purses her lips, certainly would be glaring at the other if not for the mask. Being pressed against the wall with her feet off the ground seem to not threaten her at all, even with Soma’s dangerous tone. “Why?” C asks in return. “You made a choice, and it’s not her. Why not let her go? Isn’t that what you wanted in the first place? For her to just leave you alone?”

He slams her against the wall so hard it leaves a dent, fingers tightening around where he held the pale girl’s shoulder. “I am _not_ taking any of your bullshitting today.”

If it hurt, C surely didn’t let it show. “Now that’s just your pride at work,” she snorts. “Sunshine has done what you asked her to do-- 'be gone’, ain’t that right? Man up and accept it. Why would you want her back anyway?” He grits his teeth, nails digging into the other’s pale skin. “Ah, that’s right. Because you’re scared of ending up alone. Because Yuka was the only one who could tolerate you, and if she disappears completely, you’ll have no one else. Little boy Soma stuck in the darkness again.” Perhaps on a different occasion, C would have allowed her lips to twist to a smirk, if only to rile up the male more. However, this time, her face remains stoic, watching the dark-skinned God Eater, who has lowered his head, his free hand balling into a fist. “And don’t start now with the ‘realizing you love her’ crap. You don’t. Never did. You just need her.”

Icy blue eyes lift their gaze towards the information broker. “That’s not true…”

“Stop deluding yourself. You and your father are just the same--neither of you considered Sunshine as an actual person with emotions. To him, she was a back up plan, a component in his big plans that he threw to the sidelines once he’s done. And to you…”

She watches. She watches the rage blaze in his blue eyes. She’s wrong. He’s not like the mad man. He’s different.

“You just needed Yuka for validation. To delude yourself in the idea that you aren’t a monster. You needed her to feel loved, because she’s the only person who ever did. And like your crazy father, you tossed her aside when you didn’t need her anymore.”

That’s not true. He isn’t like that. The bastard is lying. He isn’t like his father. C is just playing around with him, pissing him off on purpose. It’s what she’d always done. And he couldn’t fall for it this time. She knows there is a way to get Yuka back and he will earn the answer from the information broker. He can’t be swayed by her manipulative words. He can’t--

“You don’t need her because you love her. This thing you’re confusing with ‘love’ is only because you need her. Am I wrong?” Soma doesn’t answer. He just lifts his fist and lets the anger consume him. His fist connects with the other’s face. Once. Twice. Thrice. More. He might not have an in-depth understanding of his own emotions, but he never treated Yuka like she’s some piece of tool. Used her like his father had done. It is true that his treatment of her was not the best but… it wasn’t that terrible either, was it? He wanted to protect her. He _promised_ to protect her. He…

The punches come to a stop, as he lowers both his fist and the hand that held the Devil. C’s feet finally touches the floor, but instead of fleeing from the danger that is Soma Schicksal, she stays where she stood, looking up at the God Eater. He pushed Yuka away. Disregarded all the things she did and sacrificed for him. She was caught in his father’s plans in the first place because of him. All for him. And yet…

“I’m not going to help you because I don’t want to,” the Devil speaks again. “But if you really want an answer, maybe you should go ask Lotus Boy. After all, he’s much more sure with his feelings than someone I know.”

Soma watches her walk away, hands tucked in the pockets of her shorts. “Ah--” She comes to a pause. “--I suppose I should warn you: in case you do succeed, she won’t be the same as the person she was before this whole sham.”

* * *

“A dive, you say?” Sakaki comes to a pause as he leans back on his seat, his current expression a clear contrast from his usual cheerful demeanor. “I’m afraid I’m unable to provide a concrete answer in regards to the safety and success of such an activity. There would be risks, that much I can guarantee.”

The rest of the First Unit steps into the laboratory, dispersing and taking their seats. “What’s the doctor talking about?” Alisa asks as she takes the space beside the Unit Captain.

“Resonance,” he answers simply, gaze passing by the white-haired male standing on the other side of the room. “I’ve been coordinating with C if a much more complex resonance is possible--basically, diving into one with the Nova.” He’d been pooling ideas with the information broker for the past days actually, and though she seemed to not seek anything in return, the other appeared eager to divulge details and suggestions to help. “She said that while it is possible, it will be a more complicated process and the risks are nigh, considering it is the Nova.”

“And how exactly will it go? How risky? How complicated?” Sakuya’s barrage of questions comes almost immediately, worry evident in her motherly eyes. None of them can blame her, really--it’s been just as tough for her. After losing Lindow, every reckless decisions they make weighs on her more than on anybody else. Yuka’s thoughtless idea back at Aegis surely was no different. “How can we be sure that C is really trying to help?”

Lenka shifts slightly. Honestly, he isn’t sure either if the little midget is indeed assisting them, but… what else could they do other than blindly trust her again? Besides, there’s nothing else to lose. There is a way to get Yuka back, why should they sit idly by when there’s something that could be done?

“Spider web!” A cheery cry erupts from one corner of the room and their attention shifts. Shio looks up at them with happy golden eyes as she lifts both hands, tangled in a mess of thread she had been playing with for a while now. “The Nova is like a spider web.” The Aragami girl stares down at her handiwork, proudly even, and then frowns. “My friends can get lost.”

“What do you mean, Shio?” Kota asks, but the only response he receives is the said girl brandishing her ‘spider web’ to him. “How did you even know what the Nova is like?”

“Shio was… Shio was in there too,” the girl replies, her cheerfulness now tinged with gloom. “But Flower helped Shio out! Now, I’m here. So, Shio… Shio wants to help Flower too.” Silence. Of course. Shio was briefly one with Nova, a Singularity caught in the devourer’s grasp. She would have more knowledge of the complexity and risk than anybody else in the room. Still, would it be a good idea to let her anywhere near the Nova? The last time it happened, they almost lost her and booted up a Devouring Apocalypse.

“I’m sure you want to help, Shio,” Lenka finally says to break the weighing silence. He approaches the Aragami girl, and pats her head. “But this one’s too dangerous so I’m afraid you’d have to stay out of it. For your own good.”

“For Shio’s own good!” She echoes, before trotting off to Soma.

Despite the small scowl the man wears, he pays attention to the Aragami girl, glare softening slightly as he pats her in the head. He doesn’t say anything though, and gestures towards the direction of the girl’s room. Even with the lack of words, Shio appears to understand the implication of it, and skips over to her room with a bucket of food now on her arms. Once she was out of their sight, his glare makes a return as he turns to his attention to the raven-haired captain. “Now that you’ve agreed on whatever that bloody bastard is planning, what’s next?”

“Well…” It’s always a pressure when it’s Soma demanding answers. Honestly, he has every right to be angry at the man. If he hadn’t been too busy finding possible ways to bring back his blonde senior, he probably would be spending every waking moment of his life having a heated argument with the dark-skinned God Eater. Yuka wouldn’t be in this mess if he only listened to her in the first place. She wouldn’t have recklessly jumped in the Nova and be caught in its grasp if not for him, for what he wants. He basically told her to--and Lenka quotes, “disappear from his life forever”.

But he’s too busy, too tired to argue. He has more pressing matters to attend to, and C did say that the longer Yuka stays like this, the slimmer their chance of getting her back becomes. He can’t afford dilly-dallying, much less waste energy and time in pointing fingers and putting blames.

“Inferring from what I’ve heard,” Sakaki says and everyone’s attention shifts, “this ‘dive’ wouldn’t be very different from the Resonance your Captain and young Alisa had shared in the past. Except, rather than lasting for mere seconds, it would occur for an undetermined period of time.”

“Which is, exactly, like diving underwater.” Their heads snap towards the direction of the new voice, and C walks into the laboratory, arms folded over her chest and smug grin present on her masked face. “Of course how long you’ll stay underwater would depend on ever-changing factors, such as how chaotic the water--or the Nova’s consciousness--is, how long can you hold your breath, and how deep is Sunshine in.”

Kota raises his concern. “Then… There is a possibility that Lenka can… _drown_ too?”

“Naturally.” She says it like it was no big deal, like drowning was not a metaphor for _dying_. “In fact, your chances of failing is higher than your chances at success, so before you actually jump in there and be the knight in shining armor, why not think it through carefully if your damsel in distress even wants to be saved?” Her head shifts to Soma’s direction, as though the question was directed to him rather than the unit captain.

Frankly, C’s implications had been rather… annoying. This teasing and riling up might not be aimed to him, but he couldn’t help the irritation that bubbles in his chest whenever the Devil says they should just give this up. Why would Yuka not want to be saved? Why would she have picked death over them? Is it because of Soma? Sure, he was a vital part of her life, but it doesn’t mean she has to throw away her life for his! The world is big, bigger than the man that wanted her gone. Are there no other reasons to live? What about him? What about this family they’ve built? What about the helpless people they’re fighting for? What about the paradise at the end of this war?

“Why would she not want that?” The Captain asks, frowning slightly.

C clicks her tongue. “You know what? You really should do it. Take a dive. See for yourself. Perhaps then you’ll understand why you all should just let her be. Let her _go_.”

Soma comes barreling faster than any of them could register, and the loud sound that comes after the information broker crashes against the metal door startles all of them into silence. Lenka doesn’t say anything to stop him, even after the older male grabbed the pale demon by her neck. He might have even done the same thing if Soma hadn’t gotten to it first. “And who are _you_ to decide that?” He growls. “Who are you to say Yuka should just die, huh?! She’s the one to decide on that! Only Yuka, you fucking hear me?!”

“--She already did, you dumbass.” Soma falters slightly, though the rage in his expression remains. C doesn’t smirk. She doesn’t laugh. She registers the hint of confusion that peeks through the cracks of the man’s infuriated expression, and indulges in it. “Oh no, does it slip your mind? How about you try for the moment she pulled Shio out of the Nova’s grasp? Even though she knew she’d be dragged in instead? The very moment she decided to save Shio no matter what--for _you_ , by the way--Yuka had already resigned herself to that fate. What, you’ve gotten too caught up in the fact that you’re now all alone to even understand that?”

Silence fills the room as they all stood there, waiting for what the dark-skinned man will say in retaliation. He’s bound to lash out, one way or another, and admittedly, Lenka himself is about to get done with C’s constant… insinuation. If Soma decides to beat her up right there and then, he wouldn’t bother stopping him.

Primarily because Soma’s rage is beyond unstoppable, and C does deserve to beaten up.

To their surprise, the veteran male recedes, instead shoving the information broker out of his way before leaving the laboratory. They watch, still left in silence, unsure where the man could have gone. Still, it might be better that they leave him alone for the time being.

 _I’ll bring her back,_ he promises to him and to himself. _Whatever it takes._

Pulling the Devil to take a seat, the First Unit Captain initiates the discussion of their plan.


End file.
